


when the music dies out (you should still take me home)

by quietcloud



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Enemies to Lovers, Exes to Lovers, F/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23326189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietcloud/pseuds/quietcloud
Summary: Written for thejilyship's Marauders Readathon 2020James and Lily broke up at the end of their seventh year, and they don't expect to see each other again one year later for an Order mission
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 57
Kudos: 40





	1. blindsighted

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> This was written as part of the Marauders Readathon organized by thejilyship on tumblr. It's a day to read lot's of jily (or other marauder era pairings) fics, comment a ton, rec fics that you love and spread positivity!  
> I haven't written in a while but I thought this was a good reason to start again. Chapters will be short but hopefully I'll update frequently (as you can imagine I have a lot of free time right now, so all I need is motivation). I really hope you enjoy <3
> 
> Title is from In my Head by Maisie Peters

You never know how long a war is going to last. When he was still a student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, James Potter had an abstract idea of what a war was. He had noticed the way his mother’s eyes hardened during the summer break before his seventh year, or how her hugs became a little longer and tighter. Inside the school, he had felt the rising tension, had heard the whispered secrets and endless rumours, all the names people were being called. Being Head Boy, he had been aware of every incident and attack on muggleborn students and could not ignore their increased frequency. He had volunteered to be part of the Order of the Phoenix before he had even graduated. But still, the castle walls had offered protection and a kind of blissful ignorance he would never get back. Nothing could have prepared him for the reality of the war.

It was the end of June now, almost a year since he’d joined the Order. His life now comprised of hours of intel gathering, order missions, and the Marauders’ weekly mandatory visit to _the Pixies._ After about a month of fighting in the order, Peter had declared it an obligation for his mental health, and James had to admit that during particularly grueling weeks, just entering the wooden walls of the bar made him feel like he could breathe again. At the beginning, they’d tried to implement a _no-talking-about-the-Order_ rule, but they’d soon found out that they needed to talk about it. Besides, they really didn’t have much else to talk about, except when Remus talked about his garden, or when Peter started reminiscing about their school years. But James didn’t like to think about the past too much. There were things from his Hogwarts days - one thing in particular, if he was being honest - that he’d rather forget.

Today was _Pixies_ day and James needed it. He’d had a long day, standing around in front of someone’s house for hours to ensure their safety. He knew it wasn’t the healthiest way of seeing things, but without a doubt, he preferred the more dangerous missions. Dueling was exhilarating. It made him feel alive, but most of all, useful. Today nothing had happened, like most days, and James didn’t even know whose house he had spent six hours guarding. Maybe he hadn’t even protected a person but an object. Or maybe there was nothing there, just a way to confuse their enemies. Dumbledore liked to speak in riddles, to keep all the necessary information to himself, and James understood that it was to protect their organisation, but he still came home from these missions feeling frustrated and useless. Fighting a war was a lot of waiting. That’s one thing he hadn’t imagined when he was still Head Boy.

Even now, he was waiting. He’d come back from his mission almost an hour ago, and had been tempted to go home without reporting to Dumbledore - nothing had happened anyway – but Frank had told him that the old man wished to speak with him. So there he was, sitting in front of Dumbledore’s office, hearing only muffled voices and hoping these voices would hurry with what sounded like a fight. He could recognize the old man’s disembodied voice, but the wizard seemed to be speaking to a woman James couldn’t identify. He clearly knew the voice, but it wasn’t Dorcas, or Marlene, or even Mary, who rarely raised her voice at anyone anyway. James knew the person speaking, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Not one to give up easily, he was getting closer to the door to try and figure out who the mystery voice belonged to, when the conversation in the headmaster’s office stopped and James heard footsteps getting closer. He jumped back to the chair in front of the door, looking down at his hand and back up, already painting a surprised look on his face. Growing up with Sirius had taught him to be a decent actor.

However, his expression soon morphed into real surprise when he saw who had opened the door. Pale skin scattered with freckles, dark red hair, shorter than in his memory, and green eyes, wide-open. It seemed Lily Evans had not planned to see him either. Before she could talk, James got up and spoke, hoping his voice wouldn’t betray how much he was feeling right now. She didn’t deserve to make him feel things. Not anymore.

“Oh, it’s _you_.”


	2. A new mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dumbledore explains why he wanted to see James

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to anyone who read the first chapter and even commented! I'm really excited about this story. And I wrote and posted two days in a row?? Unrealistic

“Oh, it’s _you_.”

“James!” He wished hearing his name from her lips didn’t feel so familiar, so _right_. “It’s good to see you again.” She added with a shy smile.

“Lily”, he nodded politely, “cannot say the same about you unfortunately.”

Her smile froze in place, the corners of her mouth slowly going back down. “Of course. I understand.”

James couldn’t handle seeing her this dejected. She was wringing her hands together, her head down. He hated being the reason behind her frown. But she deserved it, for Merlin’s sake! Didn’t she make him feel just as bad, a year ago? A lot worse, actually. In a twisted way, he enjoyed making her feel something, even if it was just a fraction of his broken heart. At least this was real. But why didshe care? And _why_ did she look so sad, and still so beautiful, and _oh no_ how could he have talked to her like that? Before he could do anything stupid like apologize, Dumbledore appeared behind Lily.

“James, come in please.”

The old man always spoke with a warm tone, but anyone could hear the authority in it. James nodded again to Lily, because opening his mouth and saying something could be a disaster, and he stepped towards the door’s threshold, a little to the right in order to walk around her. Except she stepped in the same direction to let him through and _oh gods_ , now she was so close and her eyes were so green, a shade he hadn’t been able to find again, unconsciously looking for it everyday. She was smaller than him, almost a full head, and he couldn’t help but remember all the other times they’d been this close, with her looking up at him and him getting lost in her eyes. Now, Lily was staring back at him and again James wondered why her gaze held so much sadness. For such a heartless monster, she looked crushed. But then again, he had been fooled once. He shouldn’t let her do this again. Making him think that she cared.

James put his hand on her shoulder, gently guiding her to the left while he walked towards the right, ignoring how much he’d missed touching her, even for something as meaningless as this, and letting go as soon as possible. _Come on, James, it’s been a year, you’re over it._ He entered Dumbledore’s office and with the coldest smile he could muster, he turned back and closed the door, ignoring Lily’s pleading eyes. He faced his old headmaster again.

“You wanted to see me, Sir?”

“Yes, thank you for waiting James. I wanted to ask you something.”

Dumbledore walked to his giant wooden chair and gestured for James to sit on the other side of his desk. The young man couldn’t help himself from observing all the objects sprawled out in front of him. There was a perch for Fawkes, but James couldn’t find the bird anywhere in the room. Ancient artifacts, stones, jewelry, and mysterious boxes laid on parchment rolls filled with notes, probably properties of the objects that Dumbledore had studied, and a pile of muggle magazine was resting under two pointed metal objects. They looked a little like wands, but thinner than most, and longer. Some sort of red woolly string was woven around them. He thought he could remember the old wizard telling him about some socks he was trying to knit, but he often tuned him out when it wasn’t about a mission.

Dumbledore let James study his desk for a few seconds more, before speaking again.

“So, as you’ve seen, Lily Evans is back. I’m sorry you found out so suddenly, I was hoping I would talk to you before you ran into her.”

“It’s fine, sir”, James assured, “it was a long time ago.”

He felt like a child all over again. That was what happened when the man you work for met you at eleven years old, he supposed. Dumbledore was looking at him with those piercing eyes of this, with an expression that always James wonder if he could directly read into his mind. However, if he noticed James lying through his teeth, he didn’t say anything.

“Back, you said? Where was she?” the younger wizard asked, hoping he sounded at least a little nonchalant.

“Yes, she was in Europe during the past year, obtaining crucial information.”

James knew he wouldn’t get more specific information on the subject. His old headmaster never said anything more than necessary when talking about missions. In fact, James could feel lucky he had even gotten this much. So Lily had been in the Order all along? How could he not have known? The fact that she was abroad explained why they had never crossed path since Hogwarts, but he should have heard her name being mentioned at least once or twice. And when did she join? At the same time as him? He was avoiding her like the Dragon Pox during that time, so it was plausible. It made sense, actually. Back at school, no one was as motivated to fight as her. It was as if she just couldn’t wait to go out there and get hurt. They’d gotten in their fair share of fights about this exact subject. He would have never stopped her obviously, but the idea of Lily being on the front line was not a very pleasant one. Apparently, she had been for all these months. But he didn’t care about her anymore, so it didn’t matter.

Dumbledore continued. “I asked you in here because I wanted to know if you felt capable of working with Evans.”

James felt ground his teeth at the idea of being considered unable to carry out a mission. Sure, he’d been a lovesick teenager while at school and little while after graduation, but he had grown up since, and a silly love story could not keep him from fighting for his beliefs.

“It was all a long time ago, Sir. I don’t see why we can’t act professionally and carry out a mission together.”

He tried to hold the wizard’s inquiring gaze. “Why? Did Lily say anything?”

“She seemed to think you wouldn’t want anything to do with her.”

_As smart as ever,_ he thought bitterly _._ _And she still knows me well._ James wished he knew her just as well, but as he’d discovered at the end of their seventh year, she was all too good at pretending. Still, he couldn’t let her win, couldn’t let her be right about him.

“I don’t see why. It was so long ago, I barely remember.” He forced himself to laugh and regretted it immediately. He really was overselling this. “Water under the bridge.”

Dumbledore stared at him silently over his glasses, and James managed not to move or avert his eyes.

“Great, because I’ll need you to work closely together on this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed, I'll try to get the next chapter ready as soon as possible <3


	3. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No chapter yesterday, but this one's longer than the first ones! enjoy

_James knew the dark corridors of the 5 th floor like the back of his hand. He’d hidden from Filch in the nook behind Gunhilda de Gorsemoor’s statue countless times, and had once enchanted the tapestry of Arthur’s knights in the eastern wing to sing insults at the Slytherins each time one would walk by. In his fourth year, he’d carefully studied it with his friends for their map. In his seventh year, he’d learned that the dark nook between the statue in the fifth floor’s western wing was a very common snogging spot, and he’d learned it by patrolling there every third night with none other than the lovely Head Girl, Lily Evans. They had even started a bet, counting if they would find more than twenty couples before the winter holidays. Lily had bet against it while James was confident they would reach the number._

“ _I think I’ve lost count. We were at what, fifteen already? So only five left.” James stated confidently._

_Lily shook her head. “Six left. We were at fourteen on Tuesday.”_

_James put his hand on his chin, scrunching up his face in pretend contemplation. “Hmmm… Are you sure? I could have sworn it was fifteen. No wait! Sixteen, even! Remus told us about McGrath and Adams this morning. He caught them yesterday.”_

“ _It doesn’t count. We have to catch them together.”, she reminded him, even though both knew fully well that James was aware of the rule. “Stop trying to cheat, it’s not cute.”_

“ _You wound me, Evans. I’m always cute.”_

_As they were approaching the statue in question, James started walking slowly and gestured to Lily to be quiet, hoping to hear two students in the heat of the action. Unfortunately for him, the corridor was entirely silent. Lily smirked. She turned towards him, walking backwards._

“ _Well, well Mister Potter, looks like the infamous snogging corner is unfortunately empty today.”_

_Instead of answering, James grabbed her hand and pulled her behind the old witch’s statue. She let him guide her, leaning against the wall and looking up at him beneath her eyelashes. The young man leaned even closer, putting his hands on either side of her body, caging her in._

“Unfortunately _? On the contrary, Evans, I would say it’s_ very _fortunate.”_

_He leaned in, capturing her lips with his, feeling her sigh against his mouth. Her arms went up to tangle in his dark curls, and his own hands went to her waist, pressing her closer to him._

_After a few minutes of glorious kissing, he stood to his full height again, letting his hand drop to hers and guiding her out of the small alcove._

“ _So, officially fifteen now, huh? You can’t say that we weren’t both here to see that.”_

_Lily’s mouth opened to form a perfect ‘o’, her green eyes narrowing._

“ _Unbelievable”, she said, crossing her arms over her uniform. “You’ll regret that, Potter. You’ll see what happens next time you try to kiss me.”_

_He put his hands on her waist, one finger dipping under the waistband of her pleated skirt. She let out a sigh._

“ _You know I love a challenge. How about we check right now?”_

Dumbledore rose from his chair and walked towards the door to open it. “Thank you again for coming, James. Come back tomorrow at nine with Mr Black. I’ll explain the details then.”

“Will Miss Evans be there?” James made a mental note to observe how Sirius always managed to sound so nonchalant. Right now, he sounded like a boy with a poorly concealed crush.

“She will be.” Dumbledore stayed silent for a while, as if allowing James one more opportunity to back out. But James wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of winning. She didn’t affect him anymore. He wouldn’t let her.

“Great. Goodnight, Sir.” With those last words, he exited the room, shutting the door behind him. He adjusted his glasses and collar before walking out of the building and outside of the anti-apparition wards’ effect.

He had one night to get ready to face her again. Thank Merlin tonight was _Pixies_ night. He could use a firewhiskey or two.

“Europe? I knew there must have been secret missions the old man wasn’t telling us about.” Sirius grumbled, staring at his almost empty glass. It’d taken James almost a full pint to tell his friends about this afternoon’s meeting.

“Of course there are, Dumbledore’s always been a man of secrets. I wonder where she was in Europe.” Remus pondered.

“France, maybe. I’ve got a lot of pretentious relatives there.” Sirius suggested.

“I think I heard Moody mention something about Austria once.” Peter added.

“Can we get back to the important part, please?” James cut in, gesturing wildly with his hands. “The ‘Evans being back’ part?”

His brother raised his eyebrows. “I thought we weren’t allowed to mention her name anymore.”

“Well it’s going to be hard not saying her name when I’m bloody working with her, don’t you think?” James rested his elbows on the table, his head in his hands.

“Can’t you tell Dumbledore you don’t want to?” Peter asked, before trying to take a gulp of his drink and realizing he’d finished it already.

“Too late. He asked me already and I said it was fine.” James muttered.

“Why did you do that?” Peter questioned.

“Because he’s an idiot, that’s why.” Sirius answered in his stead. James let his head fall to the table, his hands around it.

“She really did a number on you, didn’t she, Prongs?” Peter asked.

“I think we can all remember that, Wormy”, Remus said, putting one hand on James’ shoulder.

Sirius gave a short, cynical laugh. “That’s one way of putting it. I thought our Prongs would finish the school year in the dorms.”

“Let’s not twist the knife, okay?” Remus suggested. He got up. “How about a second glass?”

_James had been avoiding her all day, ever since her sudden ‘we should talk’ in the Great Hall that morning. He’d dashed off to class, claiming he had a question for Flitwick and he skipped lunch, stating he needed to go over the quidditch training schedule when everyone knew everything was meticulously planned since the summer break. However, he couldn’t find excuses all day and she’d finally cornered him in the library after classes, where he’d been hiding successfully for an hour. She sat down in front of him._

“ _Didn’t think I’d ever find you in here alone.”_

“ _This essay is really kicking my arse, if I don’t finish it today I never will.” He responded. “Did you do it already? Why am I even asking? Of course you did. Did you mention phoenix tears? I’m not sure it’s not off topic.” He rambled on, not looking up from the paragraph he’d read three times since he’d noticed her approaching._

“ _James.” He looked at her and wished he hadn’t. She was biting on the inside of her cheek, her eyes imploring him to listen. He put down his quill._

“ _Can we go somewhere private?” She asked. He recalled the last time she’d asked that, an inviting blush on her cheeks, her tone a lot more teasing._

_He looked around for any student that might be present. “Is this not private enough? There’s no one here.”_

“ _I’d rather talk in the heads office if that’s all right with you.” She answered, her voice small. It felt wrong. He thought Lily Evans should never be thought of as small._

“ _Sure.” He gathered his things, piling them on the table and taking them in his arms, balancing it all carefully so as not to let his quill or his ink bottle fall. Once again, he regretted not taking his bag._

_They exited the library and walked in silence to their shared office. James knew what the situation looked like, but he didn’t want to believe it. There was no reason for Lily to be mad at him. Just last week, they’d gone on a wonderful date in Hogsmeade, just the two of them. Had he forgotten some kind of anniversary? He was racking his brain to find what it could be, to no avail._

_They reached the door and Lily whispered the password, letting him go in first. He did, turning around towards her as soon as she was in the room with him._

_He tried putting on a suave tone. “So… what did you want to talk about?”_

_Lily shook her head sadly. “Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”_

_He tried to take her hands in his but she took a step back. He kept his hands in the air, feeling like he shouldn’t move anymore._

“ _It’s over, James.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! I'm fairly proud of that first flashback. Talk to you soon <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel a bit 'meh' about this chapter, but here it is. I hope you enjoy it anyway <3

“ _It’s over, James.”_

_James’ hands, which had been outstretched towards her, fell back down._

“ _Over?” He repeated, not quite making sense of the word._

_Lily looked at her feet. “Yes.”_

_Unfortunately, James knew all too well that the red-headed girl rarely changed her mind._

“ _Why? I thought things were going well.” He felt dumb even saying it. Obviously, things had not been going well if she was breaking up with him. Then again, it had taken him months to realize that she fancied him, so maybe he really was just an oblivious idiot._

“ _They weren’t.”_

“ _But -“, he responded, stuttering, “but just last week end, we were so happy.”_

“You _were happy.” Lily answered, and it felt like a slap to the face. “I was bored. I decided I’m done with pretending.”_

“Pretending _?” The embarrassment turned to anger. “And since when have you been_ pretending _, exactly?”_

“ _Since the beginning. I thought you could be a fun distraction from the mess that is the world right now. But it’s not fair to you.” She explained calmly._

 _She was_ too _calm. They’d never had a fight like this. Most of Hogwarts had been privy to at least one of their screaming matches over the course of seven years, but this Lily, this controlled and perfectly composed person – James didn’t know this Lily._

“ _Well thanks for taking_ months _to tell me!”, he roared, “Sorry for being boring! What made you change your mind? Was toying with my emotions just not doing it for you anymore?”_

_He was pacing in the too small room, his hands making a mess of his dark hair. Lily was still staring at the floor. It felt like even more of an insult. What? She couldn’t even be bothered to look at him anymore? To see what she’d done to him?_

“ _Like I said, I realized it wasn’t fair and I -”_

_James interrupted her. “Stop saying it’s not fair. None of this is fair! I thought we were friends. I thought- For Merlin’s sake Lily,_ I’m in love with you _!”_

_The words hung in the air, neither of them knowing what to say after that. James felt tears prickling his eyes and he clenched his fists to stop the tears from falling. This was not the way he had imagined declaring his love for her. He straightened again, raising his chin in defiance._

“ _I guess I never really knew you.”_

_She held his stare, her eyes devoid of any emotion. “No, I guess you didn’t.”_

_And with that, Lily Evans left the room, not looking back at the boy behind her. James waited for the door to close before letting himself cry._

“What are you going to do, then?” Remus asked.

James got up. “Right now, I’m going to get another drink. And tomorrow, I’m going to do my job. I’ll be fine.”

His friends didn’t seem convinced, but James didn’t care. The most important part was convincing himself.

The next morning, James was in Dumbledore’s office again, this time in the company of Sirius, Lily and a mild but persistent headache. More than two glasses were never a good idea on a week night, but the young man thought he had had a good enough reason yesterday. The reason in question was standing a few feet away from him, as beautiful as ever, listening to Dumbledore talk and throwing James glances every once in a while. A five year long crush had taught him to become particularly good at noticing when Lily Evans was looking at him without having to turn towards her. He wished he could just tune her out, but it seemed paying attention to her was second nature to him. It was a habit, nothing more. It would simply go away with time, he was sure.

He focused on Dumbledore’s words again.

“So before taking any action, we need to analyse all the available data. My sources indicate the object is in the possession of the Carrows, who are presumed to be Death Eaters.”

Sirius snorted. “Presumed? _Please_ , these guys are proud blood supremacists, they came for tea at least once a month. I can guarantee they are part of Voldy’s gang.”

Dumbledore continued. “I believe this object is very important to Riddle, or it will be soon. Either way, having it in our possession would give us an advantage.”

“What is this object?” James asked. He did not want to be here any longer than necessary. He hadn’t planned for Lily to keep staring at him with those mournful eyes and wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to look unaffected.

“It’s a golden goblet which belonged to Herpo the Foul.” Dumbledore took a piece of parchment of his desk and gave it to Lily, who looked at it promptly before giving it over to Sirius. The latter took the paper from her hands without so much as a look. At the beginning of the meeting, he’d greeted her with a polite ‘Evans’ and a nod, but his eyes were shooting daggers. He had placed himself between the two as if he was his brother’s personal bodyguard.

James was grateful to have Sirius with him, even if he was perfectly capable of handling it by himself. He looked at the parchment he was given. The globlet in question looked like an ordinary old cup, except there was a serpent going all around the stem.

“This is what it looks like. The Carrows have a safe in their basement, guarded by several layers of wards and enchantments. Luckily, we have a precise description of the type of protection the house possesses. Our agents have designed a exact plan of the manor.”

“So what do we have to do?” Sirius asked, already looking bored. James knew he was only pretending. This was the most exciting mission either of them had heard of in weeks.

“Figure out a way to get inside. If needed, Miss Evans has never been seen by the Carrows and could extract more information.”

James laughed, ignoring the worry that grew in his stomach at the idea of Lily being in such close proximity to known Death Eaters. “Oh, Lily’s an _amazing_ actress, she’ll do great.”

Dumbledore didn’t reply, searching in the files in the shelves behind his desk. He found the documents he had been looking for, and copied them quickly, the tip of his wand against fresh rolls of parchment. He handed over the copies to Lily, who thanked him with a nod and held the documents against her chest.

“I need you to work together on this. Mr Black and Potter, I’m hoping your creative thinking can find a way inside this fortress. Miss Evans, your charm abilities might prove particularly useful for disarming traps and curses. Getting this goblet is of the utmost importance.”

The old wizard hadn’t visibly directed his remark at one of them in particular, but James knew this was for his benefit. Dumbledore was trusting them with this, and old childhood resentment shouldn’t be in the way of succeeding. It was better for everyone’s sake if he forgot about his grudge. He would just pretend that Lily was someone he had gone to school with, nothing more.

Their eyes met, and James felt his throat close up. Easier said then done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts?  
> I had to google "ancient dark wizards" to find a cool enough artifact. Herpo the foul lived in ancient Greece and was the first to create a Basilisk. I vaguely remember his name from playing Harry Potter on the computer and collecting chocolate frog cards.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they start working on the mission. James does not have any trouble concentrating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back!  
> Thank you SO SO MUCH to everyone who commented. It makes me super happy to know there are people enjoying this little story. I hope you enjoy this new chapter.

Dumbledore thanked them, signaling the end of the meeting. Lily, James and Sirius exited the room, the latter still acting like a human barrier between the first two. Once outside, they stood in a circle, Lily holding up the documents their old headmasters had given them so everyone could see.

“I think the second meeting room is free, we should probably go there.” She suggested.

“Yes, what a _great_ idea, Evans.” Sirius replied.

She gave him a tight-lipped smile, apparently deciding not to answer, before turning away and walking towards the aforementioned room. James hit Sirius with his shoulder once she couldn’t see them, hoping his ‘I can handle this myself’ expression was clear. Sirius seemed to understand James’ intention and responded with a roll of his eyes. They had grown up together - there wasn’t much that they couldn’t convey with a purse of their lips or a furrowed brow.

The two men followed the red-headed witch to the meeting room. By the time they had caught up with her and closed the door, she had laid out all the documents on the biggest table and was poring over them. James observed her for a while before approaching. It was impossible not to be reminded of the same girl, a little more than one year ago, studying for an arithmancy test or researching the characteristics of a potion ingredient. She held herself differently now. She stood a little straighter, a little colder. James took a deep breath, making himself stop daydreaming about the girl he once knew to concentrate on the plans of the house.

Sirius was in front of the table already, bracing himself on his hands and leaning over the parchments, his fingernails tapping on the wood every now and then. James walked forward to stand next to him and the other man stepped slightly to the left to make space.

“Can you stop that?” Lily asked Sirius, staring at his hand.

Sirius didn’t gratify her with a response, instead starting to hum under his breath. Lily looked at James, her eyebrows raised. He could tell she was silently asking him to intervene. He looked away.

He had decided to be mature and act professionally. However, he hadn’t taken any decision involving Sirius, and if he was honest with himself, it was satisfying to see his mate avenging him, even in the pettiest ways possible.

Lily sighed, going back to looking at the map. Her hands were rolled into fists on the table, her nails surely digging into her palms. James wished he didn’t mind seeing her so tense. He wished he didn’t have the urge to take her hands in his, to rub her knuckles with his thumb so she would stop hurting herself. He gave Sirius a subtle kick with his foot, and the latter stopped the noise. Finally, they concentrated on the map.

The Carrow estate was huge : four storeys, one main wing and two lateral ones, and an infinity of windows. Unfortunately, all of them would be securely closed from the inside, and there were definitely detection wards who would alarm the owners of the house if one were to break the glass. Scaling the facade to reach the roof seemed unlikely, since neither of them were particularly good climbers, and the chance of being seen was too high.

Lily took a spiral bound notebook and a muggle pen from her satchel and started to write things down. After watching her for a few seconds, James guessed she was listing the different types of wards and security measures present on the map. Once she was done, she silently accio-ed a few books to the room and sat down on the side opposite from them, opening a worn copy of Walsh’s _Protecting your home from Nifflers and other invaders_ and flipping the pages until she reached a useful chapter. She kept jotting things down in her notebook, circling a few words here and there and underlining the most important things twice. She always used to do that. James smiled as he recalled that time he’d tried telling her that one line was more than enough to emphasize a word but she had protested, adding a third one to prove her point.

James went back to looking at the map with Sirius, exchanging a few ideas, none of which turned out to be feasible. They were whispering, unwilling to break the quiet that had settled over the room.

James was relieved. Working together with Evans didn’t seem so impossible after all. He didn’t know why he had even been so worried in the first place. After all, he didn’t like Benjy either and he still worked with him regularly. He’d handle it just fine.

Sure, he didn’t feel the physical need to look at Benjy every five minutes.

And Benjy had never broken his heart.

_Okay_ , so maybe the situation was slightly different. _Maybe_ addressing the situation would be healthier than ignoring it. But ignoring it had worked so far. And nothing had to be done today. He could always talk to her tomorrow. Or later. He hadn’t decided yet.

James had been so engrossed in his own inner debate that he hadn’t noticed the object of his turmoil standing up and walking to stand just a meter way.

“Can we talk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is safe and healthy during these very weird times.  
> if you wanna chat, I'm on tumblr at araniaexumae


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the absence. I was in a quarantine-induced creativity block and had trouble finding the motivation to do anything. But I painted some stuff and started doing daily vocal exercices and I feel like a creative person again!! so let's hope this lasts! Here is a small chapter (as if they're not always tiny) that I hope you'll enjoy.

“Can we talk?”

James took a step back from the table, keeping his body turned towards the map, his eyes still trained onto it. He almost wanted to ask her to repeat what she’d said. Surely, he’d misheard. Maybe it’s just what he wanted to hear. Why would she want to talk to him? Last he recalled, she didn’t want _anything_ to do with him.

He stopped this particular train of thought, reminding himself that he was a mature adult and he should act like it.

He forced himself to look at her. Merlin, why was she still so _pretty_? He didn’t say anything just yet, failing not to get lost in her eyes. He cleared his throat and schooled his features to a neutral expression.

“Sure.”

Her smile appeared just as quickly as it vanished and she went outside. James exchanged a glance and a nod with Sirius, who had thankfully decided not to intervene. He met Lily in the corridor, closing the door after him. He knew that it didn’t really matter – if his friend decided to eavesdrop, a thin wooden door wasn’t going to stop him – but it felt more private this way.

Lily was leaning against the wall, her hands rolled into tight fists. James went to stand next to her, feeling like it was less confrontational. He was not ready for a fight with Lily Evans.

“What did you want to talk about?” His feigned nonchalance probably sounded fake to her ears too, but it didn’t really matter.

It was her turn not to look at him. He moved towards her to nudge her shoulder with his arm, but he stopped himself just before touching her. Contact, even as minimal as this, was probably not the best idea for him right now.

Slowly, she raised her head and met his gaze.

“I think we should be friends.”

James wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t this. He felt disappointed and proud at the same time. The disappointment was a result of the foolish teenager in him, still hoping that she would suddenly declare his love for him and they would ride off into the sunset together. As for his pride, it came from a certain feeling of superiority. This time, _s_ _he_ was the one asking for _his_ friendship and only he could decide what to say.

A part of him wanted to say no. To laugh in her face and relish in the hurt in her features, memorizing the way the corners of her mouth would go down and her eyebrows would slump. Then, she’d purse her lips and raise her chin, trying to look unaffected, but he’d know better. He’d know that he had had the power to hurt her.

But he also knew he wouldn’t do it.

It was a bad idea. Dumbledore was trusting them for this mission, and he had no idea how long it was going to take – a while, if the amount of protection drawn on the map was any indication. And even after, they may have to work together again, or simply run into one another in the headquarters. Agreeing to her request was the smart decision. It was the most professional one. This was the only reason he would agree. He just wanted to be good at his job. It had nothing to do with his inability to say no to Lily.

James nodded.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t we be able to be friends?”

“Well, because...”, she trailed off. _Because you crushed my heart with your bare hands just one year ago?_ James almost wished she would acknowledge it, that she’d say that she regretted it, but she clearly didn’t and it was better not to say anything than to pretend. She’d done enough pretending.

The witch spoke again. “You’re right. There’s no reason not to be.”

“So”, she pushed off the wall and stood in front of him, reaching out a hand, “friends?”

James braced himself before taking her hand in his, refusing (and failing not) to think about all the times he’d held it before, and how many nights he’d mused how perfectly they fit together before inevitably being told to shut up by one of his friends.

“Friends.”

They shook hands, and Lily went back inside the room without another word, leaving James to wonder if he’d just made a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts? I'll try to stay in a writing mood and have the next chapter ready soon


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James, Lily and Sirius try to figure out a plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy, guess who's back? I want to thank the lovely anon who wrote me an ask about this fic on tumblr because it really motivated me to write. So this chapter is dedicated to you, whoever you are <3  
> I hope you like it.

After a few seconds - or was it several minutes? _-_ of standing outside the door without moving a muscle, James decided to go back inside, his thoughts a blur.

_What the hell had that been?_ “Friends”? Shouldn’t they have talked a bit more about it? That’s typically what friends did – talk.

 _No,_ it was fine. The best way to deal with this really was to pretend nothing had ever happened, and he was glad that Lily agreed. There was nothing to worry about. There were both clearly on the same page.

He opened the door, a big smile on his face. He ignored Sirius’ questioning looks, signifying with a quick motion of his hand that they would talk later. Instead, he went back to the map of the Carrow estate. Sirius didn’t seem entirely content with that choice and kept looking between the two of them, his arms crossed. James scrambled to find something to point out, anything to diffuse the tension. There was no reason for tension anyway.Everything was fine.

“So you really don’t think we can make it to those windows?” He gestured to the ones on the first floor. Sirius seemed to focus on the task again and walked closer to James to see things from the same angle.

“I think those are way too visible. We’d get caught. But I’ve noticed something while you too were _gone_.”

The passive-aggressiveness on that last word was impossible to ignore but James was used to his brother’s antics and paid it no mind.

Sirius pointed to the north wing of the manor. “These ones should be hidden by the trees, though, at least partially. And the branches could help us climb.”

James, who definitely did not see himself scaling that high building without any help, nodded – the trees would certainly prove helpful.

“That seems doable. What do we do once we reach the windows ?” James asked.

“Break them?” Sirius responded, giving his friend his signature smirk. The latter simply rolled his eyes. They both knew breaking the glass was not an option : it would trigger the detection wards.

“I’m not sure.”, Sirius admitted.

“Maybe there’s a way to hold off the wards? Win us a little time.” James suggested, looking to Lily for advice. She’d probably be the most knowledgeable on the subject, and friends asked friends for advice all the time.

The witch looked at James briefly, then back at her books and notes, rifling through them.

“I don’t know... We’d need direct access to the wards, such a spell wouldn’t work through walls.”

Sirius sighed, turning the map the other way around to see if they might have missed something.

“So the wards could potentially be disabled?”, he asked. “If it was done from the inside.”

James’ hand flew to his hair in frustration. “I don’t see how that helps, the whole point is getting inside.”

“Actually”, Lily cut in, “that’s not such a bad idea. Getting one person in is easier than three at a time, and the first person could then simply unlock a window.”

“Who would get in?” James asked, a crease forming between his brows.

“I would.” She shrugged, as if she hadn’t just stated that she would infiltrate a deatheater mansion all on her own. “They don’t know me, remember?”

Sirius clapped his hands together. “Well if Evans volunteers, I think it’s our best bet. Since she’s apparently such a talented spy.”

James made a mental note to tell Sirius to hold of on the snark from now on. Friends didn’t let one’s brother criticize the other, right? That seemed like proper _friends_ etiquette.

Maybe he should ask her. It wasn’t that weird to ask your friend how to act around them. Especially if you haven’t seen said friend in a year - some adaptation time was perfectly healthy. And making sure they were on the same friendly terms would be the best course of action.

However, Lily seemed to shrink back at Sirius’ comment. She looked at her watch then got up, mumbling about lunch plans with Mary before disappearing into the corridor.

“What the hell was that?” asked Sirius.

“That”, James hit the long-haired man on the back of his head, “was you being rude.”

“Rude?” The latter laughed. “And her playing with your feelings for months wasn’t _rude_?”

“It was a long time ago. We’ve both grown up since and have decided to be friends.” James stated, sitting down on one of the chairs closest to him and stopping himself from bouncing his left leg. It was probably best he appear calm and collected so that Sirius wouldn’t question him too much.

“And all this growing up happened in the two minutes you were in the corridor?”

“Two minutes is plenty enough to have a healthy, adult conversation.”

Sirius snorted again, and dodged out of the way when James tried to throw a rolled up piece of parchment at him.

“You and Evans, having an adult conversation? _Please._ ”

“It was probably not the healthiest for me to stay hung up on it for so long. And the mission will go a lot more smoother if we can act professional.”

“I’m not going to argue with the first part. But professional? Okay. Friends? Seems like a reach.”

James didn’t know what to answer right away, but something in his stare must have conveyed his feelings to Sirius, because his friend put a hand on his shoulder.

“Look, Prongs, if you’re really over it, that’s great. But I doubt that being friends with her is a good idea right now. Or that you’re even friends at all.”

James’ first instinct was to lash out, to push Sirius’ hand away and protest that of course Lily and him could be friends now. He wanted to say that Sirius didn’t get it, that he didn’t know enough about the situation, but he reminded himself that Sirius, in fact, knew the situation extremely well. Indeed, he had done most of the consoling post break-up.

Still, he was annoyed that Sirius didn’t have more faith in him. He’d gotten over worse things – they were in a war for Merlin’s sake! - and being friends with his ex shouldn’t be harder than defeating a death eater in a duel.

“Yeah, you might be right.” Admitting it to Sirius only made James want to prove him wrong.

Sirius angled his head, his brow slightly furrowed, and James felt himself relax at his friend’s obvious concern for him. “So you’re going to talk to her?”

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have quite a lot of school work right now so it's just a matter of managing my free time, but I promise I'll try to make writing this more of a priority than before. Thank you for reading and have a lovely day or night!

**Author's Note:**

> go check out the event on tumblr with the hashtag #maraudersreadathon2020  
> you can also find me on tumblr @araniaexumae if you want to chat :)


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